Following my “Yes”
I listened to a conversation the other day between adrienne maree brown and Dan Harris on the 10% Happier Podcast that centered around her work and book called Pleasure Activism. Her words deeply impacted me and have been sinking into my body-mind-heart the past few days.
As I continue to be grief-stricken and broken hearted about the horrific violence and destruction in Gaza and the sorrows of the world, I sometimes wonder, “what can I do?” and “how do I show up?” How do I hold and witness the deep pain and suffering that is happening in the world without becoming paralyzed and frozen? How does this breaking of my heart call me to action? What can my grief and sorrow teach in this moment? I can feel the strong NO rising up within me, signaling to me that this atrocity if wrong, oppressive and dehumanizing. Yet, I can become stuck in the despair, powerlessness and scale of what is happening in Gaza and around the world.
So how does this connect to following my “yes” and adrienne’s work?
What struck me so deeply about this podcast conversation and adrienne maree brown’s work in general is her ability to center pleasure and joy while also working towards collective liberation and healing. She acknowledges and holds the desperate need for change and transformation of our individual selves and collective systems while also centering our heart’s longing, what brings us joy and a sense of goodness or contentment in how we show up in the world. One of her phrases she uses as a guidepost in her work of pleasure activism is…
“Yes is the way.”
In this article adrienne maree brown writes,
“What makes you say “yes”? What yes do you feel in your marrow? Can you imagine how the species would feel if our life paths were defined by the things that made us feel awe, excitement, satisfaction, and love?
I know in my bones that these words are true and there is a part of me that was conditioned to mistrust my “yes,” to fear my deepest desire, to disconnect from my body-the innate source of intelligence pointing me towards my “yes.” My conditioning as a white woman in the dominant culture in the US taught me that pleasure was “sinful” or “indulgent.” That the body was not to be trusted, that my power and sense of direction came from an external source, always outside of me. That source was varied and could have been God, cultural norms, religious rules, experts, and leaders.
I did not understand that my deeper knowing and true “yes” could guide me in a way that not only served me but also our greater collective well-being. I believe that when we dive deeper into our “yes” and true desire, below the surface level pleasures we have been taught to seek in our consumer culture, we find a truth and direction that leads us towards greater contentment, satisfaction and enoughness. This is not selfish or indulgent, it is life-giving and full of vitality and love.
“Living inside of these principles is an ongoing practice. I find it works best for me to start from within and work my way out to the whole, the collective, the large scale.
I practice daily listening to what my body needs—what I need for mental and emotional health—then what my relationships need, and then what my communities need.
In this deep listening and attending to the various scales of my life, I can contribute to my own health and the health of the collective body. ”
Even within our pain, sorrow and grief lies a “yes.” I recently heard Karine Bell quote an unnamed spiritual teacher saying, “Follow your pain like a candle in the night to a place where desire is born.” Our pain or grief can be a guide or a light during times that feel dark, leading us towards our deepest desires, our soul’s longing, our true “yes.”
So right now, in this time when my heart feels broken open and grief struck with the devastation and genocide the Palestinian people face, I will turn towards my “Yes.” I will turn towards the deepest desire within me that calls for justice, liberation, and transformation of this world. I will honor my path that continues to call me towards creating space for community, connection, grief tending and witnessing of what it means to be human in these times.
I will honor my “Yes” that also desires rest, play and moments of joy. I will create space for my “Yes” that wants to write and put my words and thoughts onto paper. I will honor the “no” that allows me to set boundaries, set limits and develop a sense of agency within my life.
Thank you to adrienne maree brown for this beautiful map and compass to orient ourselves towards a more loving, liberated and whole experience of being human individually and collectively.
Can you orient towards your “yes” in small ways each day?
What do you have to say “no” to in order to make space for your “yes?”
What “yes” is living inside of you, waiting to be honored and listened to?
What does “yes” feel like in your body? What does a “no” feel like in your body?
